Swan Online
by theunwritten93
Summary: After months of being lonely and miserable, a drunken Bella ends up signing up to a dating site! Will she ever find happiness? Or just false hope in the form of duds and catfish. Join her as she travels on her online journey for romance. Rated M for language and adult themes in later chapters
1. Late night, come home

**HELLO MY LOVELY FOLLOWERS!**

 **I know it has been a while since I have posted anything but with real life dramas and work getting in the way along with trusty writers block, I haven't been able to focus on my fic writing. So I now present to you drunkella in her quest for love! This is loosely based on my own online dating experience, anyways I hope you all enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns the characters, I just like to play with them.

 **BELLA'S POV**

It all started one Friday night after a long shift at work. All night long I was forced to listen to my co-workers drone on and on about their plans for the upcoming long weekend. They were either going out all weekend getting absolutely shit faced or going away with their family and/or partners. I on the other hand had no plans, as usual. I guess that was one of many downsides to being single and having no friends that live in the same state as me. The only friends I have these days reside in the pages of my favourite novels.

I got home from work in a miserable mood, realising that I was probably one of the most pathetic 25 year olds that had ever lived. I changed into my favourite pair of lounge pants and my trusty Iron Man T-shirt and moped on over to the little kitchenette of my apartment. I went over to my freezer and pulled out the giant tub of Ben and Jerry's that I had stashed away in case of nights like the one I was having. About halfway through the tub of pure deliciousness, I dropped the spoon into the container and told myself that stuffing my face full of ice cream wasn't the solution to my problems. I then cracked open a bottle of cider and began playing as the fourth bottle was being polished off, I decided to do something that I never pictured myself doing; I signed myself up to a dating site!

I personally blamed my choice of alcohol and my inner voice who was continuously screaming 'DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE ALONE FOREVER?' over and over until the next thing I knew; I had given the site my credit card details and was officially an upgraded member. To say that I felt dirty would be an understatement as the sites welcome page flashed before me. I thought to myself that I might as well take a look at the site that I had just purchased a sixty dollar membership to, upon a little tour of the site I realised that it was actually a pretty classy website. No neon signs or millions of pop up adverts on either site of the pages that I had visited. The layout of the site was elegant yet simple and every heading of each section was in gorgeous cursive font and was shimmering in gold with a black outline. I then checked my profile and filled out the main details:

 **Name:** Bella Swan

 **Age:** 25

 **Location** : Seattle, WA

 **Occupation:** Barista

I then continued to prattle on about my hobbies, what I was looking for blah, blah, blah and then proceeded to answer the site's questionnaire that would then determine my matches based on compatibility. Once I completed the questionnaire, I had a bit of a peek at my potential 'matches', some of them were the ugliest looking men I had ever come across, some were very attractive but when I started to read their bio section, they turned out to be complete scum buckets. After about an hour or so of looking, I ended up signing out in frustration, I couldn't believe that I just spend that much money on the off chance that I might come across someone I actually liked! I mean, it's not as if I am the snobbiest person on the planet, I just have standards! I switched off my computer and then went and got into my warm and comfortable Queen sized bed and fell asleep within moments of my head hitting the pillow.

 **AN:**

 **I know it was only short, however I am just posting this as a teaser of sorts to let people A) know that I am back! (although under a different pen name) and B) it gives you lovely readers the chance to give me constructive feedback and review!**

 **Also, I have made a few changes to this chapter so it actually makes sense in further chapters! Chapter 2 won't be far away :)**

 **I love you all xoxoxo**


	2. Dog Day Afternoon

**HELLO MY LOVELY FOLLOWERS!**

 **I know it has been a while since I have posted chapter one! However, chapter two is finally here! This chapter is a little bit longer which I hope you will all enjoy :)**

 **There is going to be a little surprise down at the end of this chapter!**

 **Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns the characters; I just like to play with them.

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 **BELLA'S POV**

I woke up the next morning with the worst headache possible. That's what I got for drinking alone whilst in a bad mood. I got out of my warm and toasty blanket burrito and went in search of pain killers and coffee. Once I had consumed my morning dose of caffeine, I suddenly released a long but silent fart. Stupid instant coffee, it was my body's way of telling me I should switch to the fancy shit. I reached for my laptop and checked my emails, after sorting through my spam mail and online shopping catalogues; I noticed that I had received an email from my best friend Alice.

Hey Bells,

Jasper and I were thinking about coming to Seattle for about a week and we were wondering if you had enough room for a couple of New Yorkers? I need my Bella fix as it has simply been too long! Let me know your hours at the café so that we can organise the flights. I can't wait to see you! Call me when you get this.

Love you!

Ali xxx

I rang Alice shortly after and assured her that I would always have room for my two favourite New York residents! After I hung up, I was instantly in a good mood; Alice had always had that effect on people. We had been friends since the beginning of Junior High. I was always a shy and quiet kid growing up, and I never had much luck in making friends. That was until little Alice Brandon decided to sit next to me in homeroom and we have been best friends ever since. We were even roommates in college. The toughest thing I had ever done was say good bye to Alice as she headed on a flight to New York after graduation in her pursuit to become America's hottest up and coming fashion designer. We still talk every day, whether it is by phone, text, email or via Facebook PM; and we still see each other whenever we can get time off. In fact, we are all headed to Hawaii in a few months for Alice and Jasper's wedding! Alice and Jazz have been together since our junior year in College. Jasper was studying to be a psychologist. The way they look at each other and act around one another makes me all warm and fuzzy, the two of them are what I hope my next relationship becomes.

 ***SWAN ONLINE***

I was appreciative that I had the day off from working at the café. I was in no form to listen to the girls discuss their drunken antics from the weekend just gone. Instead I decided to sign in to the dating site and check my inbox. I was shocked to see that I had received over forty new messages from potential matches. I didn't know if I should laugh or be deeply offended by a majority of the bad pickup lines and puns I had read. My favourite pun would have to have been from a username called Toast. It read: " **Crust me I'm not here to get a rise out of you because I find bread puns to be a little flat, but I've kind of been on a roll so I don't knead a crumby opening. So I'm just going to say 'what's up?' It's the yeast I could do"** I had to admit that I lost my shit reading that one. So much so that I may have spit out my coffee during said laughing fit.

I signed out about an hour later and decided that I should probably take my beloved pug, Snoot for a walk. He was my main man in my life and my little snuggle buddy at night. I was not one of those owners who cared more about their furniture than their animals. I plugged my earphones into my iPhone and ran with Snoot to the local dog park. I loved taking my little chubby baby there, it was good to see him running around and playing with the other dogs that had decided to come out that day. Snoot was preoccupied sniffing a cute little Beagle's behind when I saw Adonis in the Flesh!

Holy shitballs, the man was like sex on a stick! Adonis was about six foot two with the weirdest shade of reddish brown I had ever seen, but it suited him with the way his hair was tousled to perfection and had a pair of black Ray Bans on top of said mop. Sex God was wearing a pair of skinny black Levi jeans, a clingy grey T-shirt that showed off his broad torso and completed his look with a pair of traditional black and white Chuck Taylors.

Thank fuck I had worn sunglasses so that I could continue to perv on Mr. Adonis. However as soon as I was getting ready to collect Snoot, his eyes met mine. Those few seconds felt like hours as I got a good look into his beautiful emerald green eyes. He even smiled at me! It took me a second to realise that the cute little Beagle from earlier was his! Could the man get even more attractive? I think not. Once I managed to get Snoot's lead back on, Adonis and his Beagle were getting up to leave. We looked at each other again, this time his smile was wider and gave me a wink and with that they were gone.

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 **AN:**

 **So, that was chapter two my friends! And we met a certain person at the dog park! What did everyone think of Snoot? I had so much fun collaborating with my little sister, who absolutely loves her animals! What does everyone think of having a bit of chapter three in Snoot's POV? Reviews are always welcome**

 **Much love xoxoxoxoxo**


	3. Stuck between two sliding doors

**HEY GUYS!**

 **So I would like to introduce Snoot's POV at the beginning of this chapter. He was so fun to write!**

 **Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, I just mess around with her characters**

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 **SNOOT'S POV**

I WAS SO EXCITED! Mommy took me to the park today! YAY! I got to play with ALLLL of the dogs that were there! When I was walking around I saw a really pretty Beagle! I heard mommy talk to herself the night before and my inner big pup said "DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE ALONE ALL YOUR LIFE LIKE YOUR MOM?"…Well no, I didn't! I pranced around the pretty Beagle and she just looked at me cross eyed and with her tongue sticking out. "Weird", I thought, "but she is so pretty! I have to get to know her!"

I ran up to her and said "hello! My name is Snoot, what's your name?" it took her a few moments to speak to me, and when she did, she said, "Chloe… My name is Chloe!" We ended up playing for a bit and sniffing each other's butts! IT WAS SO FUN!

An hour later I looked over to my mommy and saw her making goo-goo faces at a strange man with funny hair. It was good to see mommy happy! She had the lead in her hand and yelled out to me. "SNOOT! It's time to go buddy!" I looked at Chloe with the biggest eyes and said goodbye. "Bye Snoot! It was fun to play with you today!" and we both ran over to our owners! OHHHHHHH The man with the funny hair was Chloe's Daddy! I walked out the gate with mommy, looking back to see if Chloe was still there, but she wasn't.

When mommy and I got home from the park, she took off my lead and walked over to my food bowl and ate silently. I started thinking of Chloe and I wondered if I would ever see her again. Suddenly I heard a loud "WOOF" and I looked out of the window next to the front door, and there standing by the elevator was Chloe and her daddy! YAY! Wait until my mommy heard about this! The only thing was that she couldn't understand me.

I rushed out the front door as my mommy was about to close it and ran into the elevator with Chloe as the doors were closing, shutting without our mommy and daddy in sight! I jumped for joy! Suddenly, the elevator stopped… and we couldn't get out! Chloe and I started to bark for help, but no matter how much we tried, I knew we weren't going to be rescued any time soon by our owners!

 **BELLA'S POV**

When Snoot and I arrived home, I took him off his lead and went to close the door, only to have him run straight through my legs back out the door, almost bowling me over. I looked to see where he had run to, only to find Adonis minus his beagle staring at the elevator. That pug of mine was going to be in so much trouble when I found him. I pushed the button for the elevator frantically, refusing to look at Mr. Sex God, because if I even so much as peeked, I knew I would be a goner. 5 minutes had passed and I was starting to worry, the elevator hadn't come yet. Something was wrong, I could feel it!

"I think the elevator is stuck miss," a velvety voice murmured, I looked in the direction the voice had come from and looked straight into Adonis' emerald eyes. Damn it. "You don't say?" I retorted. I was not in the mood for no brainer statements; I just needed to get my little guy free.

"Miss, I just so happen to be a fireman, I can get our little ones out of the elevator in no time at all" he assured me with a soft smile that reached his eyes." Are you sure they can get my little snoot out? I mean, what if the elevator is stuck in between floors or something? And it is too much to ask of you, considering I don't even know you," I started to babble and as I was spewing the words out of my mouth, I felt my face start to get damp. Perfect, I hated myself for crying in front of him. Out of nowhere, I felt a pair of hands grab my shoulders and start to rub up and down, "hey it's going to be okay. I promise, we will get Chloe and Snoot free, whatever it takes. My name is Edward by the way. I would've introduced myself earlier, but given the circumstances we are facing at this point, I was a tad delayed", he said with a soft chuckle that could melt the panties off of the biggest ice queen that ever lived. I shook his hand and smiled brightly, "I'm Bella."

"Well Bella, how about I go and call my friends down at the station and see if they can rescue our fur babies?"

"Sounds absolutely brilliant" I said.

Edward walked over to the other end of the hallway as he made the call, it only lasted a couple of minutes and was mainly a bunch of "uh huh, yeah ok" and "thanks man" Once he had ended the phone call, he waltzed on over to where I was standing by the elevator and informed me that the guys from the fire station would be there within five to ten minutes, Edward then went on to tell me that his station was only two blocks over, which was pretty convenient, especially in cases like today.

What felt like three hours, but was only ten minutes had passed and the big burly men that worked with Edward had arrived and had the door pried open within seconds, the good thing was the elevator was only stuck between our floor and the floor below. I let out a huge sigh of relief as our babies were held up for Edward to grab from the man standing on top of the elevator. "Snoot, buddy you are in so much trouble! No treats for a week mister" I scolded the little monster as he looked to the ground with a guilty as fuck expression. Across the hall, I could hear Edward chastise Chloe in a similar fashion. We looked at each other for a moment, and then the laughter erupted. "Come on over for coffee Bella, that way we can make sure these two don't make another escape attempt," Edward suggested. I could use the caffeine hit after that stunt, so I accepted his offer and we made our way over to his apartment door.

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 **AN: So what did everyone think of this chapter? What is your opinion on Snoot? little troublemaker right? Have you ever been trapped somewhere? Would love to hear your stories :) as usual, please read and review xxxxx much love!**


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